I moved house at the start of 2003, from a expensive area back to “the burbs” ,slightly more travel time balanced against less than half my old rent seemed like a good deal to escape
a household that was going bad. (Another story)
Anyway things looked good, my new housemates even helped me move my shit in (Hi Whitey)I started unpacking and getting settled in when I’m told one of their friends sisters will be staying for awhile.
She’s a lesbian I’m told. – Immediate reaction: Score! Lesbo action incoming!
I meet her later that week…she looks like a 14 year old boy and I never did get to see her
bitch, they broke up soon after. Anyway things went ok for a few weeks, I didn’t really see her, she works days, I work nights. What interaction we had was very brief, though enough to workout that she was kind of annoying, she’s one of those people that talk at you regardless of your interest level and oblivious of your attempts to ignore her.
Annoying – Don’t see her anyway, irrelevant.
A month or so later I’ve become aware of a few things:
1. ‘She’s” Tran gendered and living as a man.
2. “she” doesn’t wash. Anything. Not her clothes, not her self. Nothing.
3. “she” Smells (See point 2)
4. “Her” room reeks (See point 2)
I stopped using the lounge room at around this point, it smelled, she smelled….but worse was
the smell coming from the back or the house where her room was. I didn’t go back there (Including the kitchen) at all.
Forward another few months, we now have fleas. We gas the house with flea bombs every 2-3
Now I should note the obvious reaction, of kick the filthy bitch out or tell her.
1. She’d been told.
2. Not my house, other housemates are unfortunately not people of action, and as I wrote earlier she’s their friends sister.
So thus far we have a 18 year old girl, living as a man, with fleas thats dirty and never
showers….you wouldn’t think it could get worse eh….oh it does.
Gayboy (Nickname) was transgender himself, a traditional transvestite. Gayboy was going out
with our little lesbian.
1: Lesbian living as a man.
2: Homosexual (Pooper) living as a girl.
Even better, both of them wanted to get the operation….but after they had a baby, onto of
this there is a dominatrix involved with them both, and they whipped each other and shit around the house while I hid in my room.
Waxy is our lesbian, dude with the hair is gayboy, and the dominatrix is on the right.
See the shit on her back, the wax. She collected it afterwards, brought it home,
it sat on the fucking pool table for months.
Time passes…I hide in my room, the back of the house ripens…you can taste the smell now.
Eventually a house guest identified the smell (She had a filthy sister) , turns out its the
smell of old pads, old tampons, USED ONES in some sort of fucking collection.
She had a plastic shopping bag in there full of them and rotten band aids cotton swabs, months worth in a stinking collection of filth.
We weren’t impressed. At all. One of the original housemates from before I arrived (Time line: Couple-Me-Lesbian) , the girl went had had words with her, we heard her screaming through three walls for the lesbian to put her rubbish out and do washing.
The ragbag moved to the backyard for awhile and one load of washing was done. Trauma +1.
The house wasn’t ever really the same after that, the vibe changed, arguments regarding
kicking the lesbian out became nasty and loud, I stayed mostly in my room. The lesbian and
gayboy were spotted naked around the house, openly scratching. (a new ragbag appeared)
She must of really had an itchy box, she’d walk around ripping at that thing like a kid
opening a present on Christmas day. Eventually after several more rounds of completely flea bombing the house she decided it was her mattress, and outside it went. Leaving her sleeping with gayboy in the common area of the house, particularly in the room with a heater.
Question:: ….ever dried dirty wet socks in a microwave ?
That’s what it smelt like with the two of them broiling in a closed room with a heater running all night.
Items of clothing and bedding slowly migrated from the stink pit into the lounge room.
This led to an amusing activity, what I’d do is use a stick and an article of her clothing and play games like “chase random person around the house” and “dump item on screaming persons head” , anyway on this day I had a house guest cornered using a pair of lesbian pants and a stick when one of the housemates decided to join in grabbing a discarded pair of lesbian
underpants on a stick (Underpants beat pants) and shoved them in my victims face.
He screamed and ran. He ran outside and started vomiting.
The underpants were coated, with what looked like a melted chocolate bar.
Everyone else joined him outside, once we realized exactly what had happened, heartfelt and
emotional apologies were offered along with the expected bitching and expressions of fear and disgust.
Eventually once everyone calmed down enough to edge back inside, beers were opened and a
cowardly plan was formed. As I wrote, the housemate, (Whitey) responsible for the house is pretty passive, a house guest went and gave her final notice.
(Other “get the hell out” discussions were not taken seriously I guess)
Deadline day, she’s not packed, no one is really surprised. Later that night Whitey finally
drew up the strength to do the right thing and make our Lesbian aware that he did indeed expect
It took an extra two days, but she’s loading her stuff into her mums car as I type this.
From what I understand she’d had problems with her family after coming out, particularly
regarding having her name changed.
In the end they took her back in, sure she’s going to be living in a bus in the back yard, the important thing is perhaps she’ll have a chance to fix things with them.
Strange tone change ?
Yeah perhaps so, I think the main reason this whole thing was so hard for everyone
(Particularity Whitey) is that apart from being filthy, crazy and annoying, she’s just a girl with problems,
a child that does not understand why everyone hates her.
I spoke with her briefly while she was packing, and rather than a collection of horror and a
source or stories, for me she became a person again.
Not that I wanted her to stay. Fuck no!
Sidenote Additional reference material:
As I wrote, she lives as a man every day, she’s done the legal name change, work id,
everything. Now a man needs a penis, and I was “lucky” enough to get a chance to see it one day.
I had to roll it over to get the pic…the underside is covered with ick, I think skin flakes mainly. Didn’t have the stomach to document it further.
She wore it in her pants. For the shape.
Their mattress sat on the nature strip outside the house after they moved, no one wanted to touch it.
It had a bad aura, one of disease and infection.
So it sat there, for about two months.
We live near a school, we would occasionally look out the window and flinch at the sight of little kids jumping on it, playing.
Eventually I tried to dissociate ourselves from it a little bit and dragged it to the edge of the property line, as far away from us and as close to the neighbours at possible without crossing over.
They (I assume) dragged it back the next day.
One night while bored I decided enough was enough, cut a hole in the side, used some cloth to tie it to the back of my car (Not touching, dragging a few meters back) and went for a drive.
Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (said the mattress at 90kph)
After a few blocks we (The Jew was driving) grew bored of it and decided to try a corner. It swung around and passed the car, we drove over it and the cloth snapped leaving it to slide into the middle of the intersection. We drove off laughing.
Last time I checked it was now living out its days on someone else’s nature strip across the road.
It sat there for a week and vanished out into the world. Sometimes I think of it and smile.